I Feel Anxious (I started therapy #2)

I started therapy because I feel anxious. I think I’ve dealt with feeling anxious for awhile but it’s probably peaked during my job as a nurse. It started getting bad when I was taking pre-requisites for nursing. I distinctly remember feeling so stressed out during anatomy in 2018. The professor was horrible and I was getting tested on material that I was not taught.

Rewind even more…

Maybe it was bad when I had my first job after college leading summer camp for elementary school kids. Handling 80+ kindergarten to 5th grade students, 20 middle school students, 60+ high school volunteers, guest speakers, activities…

Or maybe it all started when I was in high school when I was so nervous and anxious about the future.

Or… maybe it was when I first came to the US in 3rd grade and had to go to school when I didn’t speak any English. I remember clutching on to my English dictionary and jokingly asking my mom whether I should pack this for my first day of school.

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

Actually, the first incident of my anxiety was probably in preschool. I don’t have a memory of this but I’ve been told by my mom that I would have constant stomachaches and I had to actually do an endoscopy. They found nothing. My parents were told that the stomachaches were stress-driven and no further action was needed.

I never felt comfortable saying I have anxiety but I would say I feel anxious. It’s probably at its peak right now with working as a nurse in a hospital and as a new mom. Honestly… work gives me the most anxiety. I thought I had gotten better but I’m waking up almost every hour the night before going to work. Sometimes, I have physical manifestations of anxiety (stomachache, headache, extreme fatigue). I don’t want to live in fight or flight constantly. I need something to change my perception of the my environment.